I feel done. Like I've got nothing left. I am just not happy and I'm not sure how to be happy. I don't know why I am not happy. I have a perfect little girl (who actually is screaming her head off right now) who makes me smile and laugh. I'm not upset with her at all. I don't know what my deal is. I just know something isn't right. Before anyone suggests it I do NOT want to take depression medication. I just don't. I want to be happy on my own. The arguments for it is pretty much tough - you need to be in a good state of mind for your daughter. My argument is: I'm not in a bad state of mind for my daughter. I love my daughter its the loving myself I have a problem with. I have an idea of what I want to do but still not sure if it's something I am able to do. I just feel lost right now.
Indeed, this is a very personal decision. If you feel like it is a down day, or couple of days, well that is normal. But if it has gone on for a while you need to give other alternatives a consideration. I've been in a similar place and what I have found that has helped me was: counseling for my anxiety(for about a year), self-guided counseling through MANY books that I continue to always search for reminders or new ideas, medication (I gave in. I fought it, but gave it and it was needed. I'm back down to an occasional Xanax when needed, but I know when I need to be on it and when I don't now), and vlogging on YouTube. The vlogging was the BEST therapy in the whole world!!! And cheap- but it is very exposing as well. I hope you find what works for you- and don't rule out professional counseling or medication. Your daughter is not getting the best of her mommy without her mommy at 100%. Sending you lots of love!!! xoxo, Renae Launderlife
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