Tuesday, June 19, 2018

I Just Want To Feel Normal

     It has been 5 weeks since I started my new medication for depression. It is NOT working. I didn't even realize I could feel worse until now. I'm also super anxious, way more then I have ever been. I
feel like screaming I'm just filled with unrest and uneasiness. There are times where I just want to scream to release some of the anxiety. I don't know what to do with these feelings. Normally if I am anxious, I have a reason but there is no reason for this so there is no way to release or reason with myself. I will just be sitting here and start to freak out over nothing. My heart rate will just start racing and I'll hyperventilate.. this has happened while I was asleep and I woke up freaking out. I'm just so anxious and so depressed. It is getting difficult to make myself get up and do things. It is hard to convince myself that I really need to do the dishes, or eat, or move. I was hoping that this medicine would help, I really was. However, it definitely is not helping. I think it's making me worse. I also think that the Dr wasn't listening to me and gave me this medicine because she thinks I'm bipolar which I am not. Which she would have known had she listened or asked questions. Anyway, my appointment with my doctor is Tuesday, June 26th but I don't want to wait any longer. I am miserable. So now I am waiting for a call back to see if I can be seen at the end of this week. I don't even have words to explain how horrible I feel.
     I just wanted to update a little. I wanted to update more often about this but guys... it has just gotten so much worse. It's hard to write when I don't even want to sit up. Hopefully, this doctor will find a better medicine for me and soon!

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Seeing is believing, but feeling is the God’s own truth











Thursday, May 31, 2018

Witches, Graphic Novels, and My Hometown


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At first, I was confused because this book is told from Day 15 to Day 1 but once I got it, I loved it and couldn't put it down until I knew everything!



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4.5 stars! I really enjoyed this book. As a person who fangirls over things that people just don't understand this book spoke to my heart.



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I wanted to read this book because it always comes up on the lists of books that are about hurricane Katrina. However, it's not really about that at all. It touches on it but it's not a story about it. Anyway, I ended up really liking the book and would suggest you listen to the audio!




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I would have just left this at 3 stars because the story was okay but I loved the artwork!



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This is an amazing story of love and persistence. I want to write something beautiful and profound about this story, however, my words aren't coming to me because I'm numb with all the anxiety I am currently dealing with. So this is what you get: Love ALWAYS wins. Suck it racism!



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I wanted to LOVE this book. So many people I know who have read this book LOVE this book. It's compared to John Green's The Fault in Our Stars. I don't think it should be compared to that. I think it's only compared to that because it's about a high school girl who is dying from something. I think it's more like The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Which is great if you liked that book. I, however, HATED that book and didn't care for this book either. I'm so disappointed in me and this book.



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3.5 stars. This was a pretty good book! It's about something scandalous happening in the gymnastics world. The only reason why I didn't LOVE this book is that it left us with not knowing. I mean, you get the picture and you can assume but we've followed on this journey and I wanted to KNOW.


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3.5 stars. I loved that this took place near my hometown which was mentioned often. This was a cute story but it annoyed me how childish this 16-year old was. I guess this is what a 'not worldly' teenager is like but to me, she seemed more like 12 then 16. 


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Another 3.5 stars. It continues to be a cute story and I continue to enjoy them mentioning my town in it. 

   13 books read this month. That's a lot! But considering I was trying to distract my brain I guess it wasn't out of left field that I read this much. I am still having a lot of trouble concentrating on reading the words myself so most of these are audiobooks. Next month is the halfway mark of the year will I reach my goal of 75 books that I thought was WAY out of reach for me? Maybe! We shall see. I plan on doing a lot of reading in the shade at the splash parks this summer (which makes me a totally responsible parent haha).