Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Distressed

     I am not sure where to even start with this blog. I am extremely upset right now. My cousin, who my mother was attempting to gain custody of, has decided to go back to her home state and live with her mother. I won't go in to details but, I feel, this is a very bad decision. My cousin came to us in such a state of despair at the beginning of the summer. Her home life was less then perfect. Her mother has an addiction issue and was going downhill. Though her mother doesn't have custody of her, her grandmother does, she was staying with her mom. When she came to my mother's house there was a group (My cousin, mom, and her grandmother) decision to let her stay here. My mother got her in to school and switched over her health insurance to here.
     Last night my cousin decided she wanted to go back. After a week of talking to her mother she is convinced that she is doing better. She is home sick. I understand that, I get that, but I still think the best choice is for her to be here. She wasn't doing well there, here she is. I know it's hard to leave everything you know, I did the same thing when I was 12. My mother, sister, and I moved here, 7 hours away from everything I've ever known. I know it isn't easy. This was my biggest fear when she said she wanted to move here. I knew eventually her mother would get better (for a little while) and then she'd want to go back. I tried talking to her last night but her mind is made up. I tried talking to my mother about it but she feels like she can't make her stay. I feel that as her to be-legal guardian, yes she can. The whole point of all of this was to keep her safe and out of harms way. Sending her back is the exact opposite!
     I am a person who loves with my whole heart and I love this child. I love her so much that it is breaking my heart to hear that she is going. Absolutely killing me. I am angry and mad, frustrated and upset. I go between yelling and crying. I don't see how the adults 'in charge' of this situation are seeing that this is a good idea. She is a 15 year old CHILD, she should not be allowed to make such a huge choice. If it was any other situation I'd say of course she has a say, but this I don't. Sure, her mother may be doing well now, but what happens when she goes down hill again? And she will. We all know this. She knows this, she told me herself over the weekend. What happens then? What happens when her grandmother passes away from the cancer she is struggling with now? Why is no one thinking of this but me? Why is everyone letting a 15 year old tell them what she's going to do. She needs someone to take charge and put their foot down. It may be hard now, but in the future she'll see that when that was done it was showing exactly how much she is loved.
     I just do not understand. I am so upset. This is such a horrible choice for her and there is nothing I can do. I've written my pastor from my church to ask for some guidance. Maybe some bible verses that can guide me. I feel so helpless. This can not possibly be the best choice for her. She's been through so much already in her life and now they are just allowing her to go right back to it. I feel helpless and lost and so very sad.



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