Thursday, June 2, 2011

Happy Birthday Tony

Happy Birthday Tony. I pray that you are happy and pain free. I hope that you are watching over us and seeing some of the amazing things that are happening. Can you see what a strong, wonderful woman Amber has become or how beautiful (and a carbon-copy of Amber) Ashley is? Do you laugh when Ashley gives Amber attitude and think of the times she did the same to you? Do you see how much Tony is like you? He has your sense of humor and your laugh. Oh boy does he have your laugh. I was sure it was all this was a lie the first time I heard him laugh. I was sure it was you. Are you looking out for mom? She's still the most amazingly strong person I know. She misses you so much. Can you see how much your baby is growing up? Isn't she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? She's going to be a senior this year. She has an amazing boyfriend who I know you'd like. She's still a daddy's girl. She misses you terribly - we all do. She struggles with the fact that her daddy isn't here anymore. I hope you are watching out for her. Can you see me? I miss you. You know how I feel, you know my struggles with this all. Please just know I love you. Can you see my baby? She's beautiful isn't she? I know you'd love her. She's just like Angela... she growls, she's wild, she's gorgeous. I wish you could hold her and love on her. I wish she'd know her grandfather. I have to believe that you are looking down on us, seeing our lives play out and I'm hoping you have something to do with some of the good things that come our way. Have a wonderful birthday in heaven, I'll celebrate it with a little Van Morrison for you.

Oh and remember how we use to dance in the living room with mom? This song makes me think of all the good times.

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then

Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure
I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

Ooh, ooh

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah
Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he
Would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love to dance with my father

Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear her, mama cryin’ for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me

I know I’m prayin’ for much too much
But could You send back the only man she loved
I know You don’t do it usually
But Lord, she’s dyin’ to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream

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