Fragile

     I've been having a rough few days. I was planning on doing a huge entry on my Twihardness followed by a entry about the Breaking Dawn party I had. However, my pain has been building for the last week or so and (I hope) it's reached it's peak. I no longer have a laptop to use when I'm in pain so in order for me to write a decent entry I need to be able to sit at a desk top. The only reason I'm able to sit right now is because I took a pain pill, which I'm out of now. If the doctors didn't make me feel like I was a druggie every time I called them then I would have some.

     I feel fragile. If I sit wrong, stand wrong, lay wrong I hurt. If I eat certain foods, if I drink certain drinks, if I eat too little or eat too much, if I drink too little or if I drink too much I hurt. If I don't exercise or if I exercise too much I hurt. If I walk around the grocery store I hurt, if I'm wheeled around the grocery store I hurt. Why am I not getting any happy medium? I'm not new to this disease I've had it for years, I've tried so many things. Why oh why can I not find a happy medium.
     I currently take 11 pills a day. 11. I am 25  years old - there should be no reason for that! 9 of these pills have to do with pain management (and these 11 pills don't include pain pills for when my pain is really bad). Why am I taking so many pills if nothing is helping? If my pain is still between a 3-7 every day without moving then why continue to take this?

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