Monday, August 7, 2017

There Are Monsters All Around Us

     I just finished Sister's In Sanity by Gayle Forman and I really enjoyed it. This book is about a girl, Brit, whose father has dropped her off at a 'treatment facility for troubled girls.' Little did the father know the facility he was dropping his daughter off to.
     I really enjoyed this book but it brought up memories of a time when I was hospitalized. I wasn't at a place that was at all like this and why I pictured this book taking place there is beyond me. I do not have a lot of memories from where I stayed, although I was there for about a month. I do remember the cinderblock walls in the rooms, the outside yard area, and having to walk to another building (through the yard) to go to 'school.' The two things I remember the most was that there were really young kids there (5ish and up) which made me nervous and I can remember thinking 'oh man this place is a SERIOUS place.' Not that I didn't take it seriously, just that it made me nervous because they obviously handled really difficult cases and it made me wonder how bad off I was to be there. The second thing I remember the most is my therapist and how much I disliked her. Her eyes fluttered which bothered me because I couldn't concentrate on anything she was saying because every time she would blink her eyes would flutter five more times. She also would say to me 'and how does that make you feel?' This question annoys me so much.
     Anyway, this post wasn't so much about how I liked the book (which I did) but how it made me feel. I felt confused and lost. I have been depressed lately and this just reminded me of what I went through as a teen and young adult. I struggled so much and still do some times. There was a song in the book that I just loved.

There are monsters all around us
They can be so hard to see
They don't have fangs, no blood-soaked claws
They look like you and me. 

But we're not defenseless
We're no damsels in distress
Together we can fend off the attack
All we gotta do is watch our backs.

Your body is beautiful how it is
Who you love is nobody's business
We all contemplate life and death
It's the poet who gives these thoughts breath.

The monster is strong, don't be mistaken
It thrives on fear - keeps us isolated
But together we can fend off its attack
All we gotta do is watch our backs.

In your darkest hour
When the fight's made you weary
When you think you've lost your power
When you can't see clearly
When you're ready to surrender
Give in to the black
Look over your shoulder
I've got your back. 

This post was all over the place but that's just how my mind is working right now.

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