Tuesday, November 8, 2016

A Heartbreaking Lesson

Haleigh has been asking for a baby brother or sister for a while. I told her that after the wedding we would discuss it. Well after the wedding I consulted with a new specialist at our hospital who deals with pelvic issues. We decided to do a laproscopy to see if there was more Endometriosis and get rid of it. There was and he did. Now my plan is to do physical therapy (for pelvic floor issues) while taking medicine to surpress my cycle. After I've finished with physical therapy we will go back to talking about having a child. I explained this to my five year old. She's very smart and I knew she'd grasp the majority of it. She did "So the plan is to heal from your surgery, to go and do the excercising that will help your belly, then Daddy will pregnant you?" I couldn't help but laugh. I told her yes that is the general plan but it sometimes takes a long time to get pregnant. So it may not happen right away. 5 years old and my daughter is getting a lesson on infertility. My heart is already broken because my children will be so far apart in age; there is nothing I can or could do about that. However, I hate that my daughter may have her heart broken as well. It's a hard journey and it's not over yet.

Monday, April 25, 2016

Dewey's 24 Hour Readathon April 2016

During this April's Dewey's 24 hour readathon I finished one book that I had been reading (Zombie Fallout #8), I read four children's books, three comics, and one YA book.  I am very happy with what I accomplished with a grand total of 845 pages read! I can't wait until October to do this all over again.

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Friday, April 22, 2016

Dewey's 24 Hour Read-A-Thon

This is my 3rd time participating in the Dewey's 24 Hour Read-A-Thon! I am very excited because this go around I have got a few friends participating with me. Last read-a-thon I was not as prepared as I wanted to be so this time I am VERY prepared! I have a plan and hopefully I can stick to it. I also have way more books then I could ever read in a 24 hour period but I think the more choices I have the better. Here is what is in my TBR pile:

Here is what is in Haleigh's TBR (which I suppose is also my TBR because Haleigh can't read yet):

See what I mean by way more book then needed? No matter what kind of mood I am in, I'll have a book for it. I hope to update throughout the day and night but if I don't I will definitely update afterwards. Good luck to everyone else participating!

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Saturday, February 27, 2016


Our Luckie girl has passed away. Yesterday we took her to the vet because she was very lethargic. It turns out she had a cancerous tumor which was causing her to bleed out in to her stomach. Her stomach was filled with blood. This kind of tumor often goes unnoticed until it is too late because there are no symptoms until this happens. It was suggested that we put her down right away because she most likely wouldn't make it through the night. She wasn't in pain just uncomfortable, at least there is that. I went home, got Haleigh, and brought her back so she could say goodbye.

Needless to say, we are completely heart broken. I don't know how to handle this. She's not there when we come home, she doesn't come running when we go to the door, she's not there to pick up all the food that is dropped on the ground, she's not there for cuddles. 

She's not there to warn my pain level is about to shoot up. She's not there to be my heating pad when my levels are so high I can't move. She's not there to nudge me when I'm crying. She's not there to cuddle when it's nap time for the children during the day. Who will I commentary the show to? 

She won't be there for holidays. Oh man, the holidays! Christmas time we always cover her with wrapping paper and she just lays there until it's time to clean up and eat the bacon that we ALL give her. 

I'm going to miss her upside down smiles, her 'belly time' rubs. I'll miss her running around like she was a puppy anytime I said 'wanna fight?!'

My cuddle pup... I miss you so much. I love you my Luckie girl!

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Sunday, January 31, 2016

1 Year Ago

     It has been a long hard year. I have always seen January as a month of new beginnings. A new year, a time to start over or continue to grow. Last year on this day my life pretty much stopped. After a family dinner Mom, Angela, and I went over to a friend's house to pick up a book she had for me. On the way back Mom started having a seizure while driving. We were able to get her to stop the car and put it in park. The rescue squad was called and she was whisked away to the emergency room. I remember it all very vividly especially the room we were in, in the ER. I can remember Mom not responding, her eyes bulging, her face turning purple. Then I can remember the panicked look she gave me right before she had a grand mal seizure. I can remember so well because I see it in my dreams every few nights. Which is a great improvement from multiple times a night.
     We have had to take mom to the emergency room a few times throughout the past year and luckily never having to be in that same room. Of course, until the other night. Wednesday, January 27th, I had to take mom into the ER because she was having a severe reaction to one of her medications. After a two hour
wait that had me nearly in tears because I had been sitting watching mom in so much pain they bring us back to that room. I got mom settled in the bed and waited until the nurse left before I started having a panic attack. Honestly, I don't even know how I lasted that long. I tried not to. I did all the breathing tricks I have learned, concentrating on other things, so on and so forth. Those with anxiety know that there are certain things you can do to trick yourself into not having a major meltdown, or at the very least prolong it. They were not working. We were in this room almost exactly a year later and I was having a very hard time handling it. I tried to concentrate on Mom but if she took too deep a breath or too shallow a breath I could feel the panic setting in. If she opened her eyes too wide or seemed to space out I started crying. A mess, I was a mess. I kept asking the nurse (who wanted nothing to do with me) to check her blood pressure because I was scared it would get too high, due to her pain, and she would have a seizure again. They would just have to put me in a bed next to her because I know I would not be able to handle that!
     Obviously, we both made it through. Mom was admitted to the hospital for her rash, fever, and earache. She was there for 4 days and released today. The one year anniversary of when this started. Her fever is down, her rash is getting better, her breathing is off kilter at the moment but will hopefully get better soon. This year Mom will be having at least one more surgery on her throat, hopefully getting the trach taken out, and starting dialysis. It will not be an easy year either but I am praying it will be an easier year than last year. We have a lot of things to look forward to this year, at the top of the list are two weddings and Haleigh starting kindergarten. Please join me in praying that the good outweighs the bad this year.
     I want to thank everyone who has prayed and sent good thoughts, who have supplied us with meals or childcare. Thank you to those who came to sit at the hospital so one of us could go home and sleep for a few hours. Thank you for remembering to take care of us when we were too busy to think of it. Thank you for the cards that were sent and the phone calls that were made. Thank you for understanding the tears that happened mid-sentence and thank you for ignoring it when I needed you to or being there when I needed to cry it out. I cannot thank you all enough.

     Until next time...

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