Thursday, April 28, 2011


Kissavlus cloth diapers are doing a giveaway. It ends today! Go to their facebook page: Kissaluvs Facebook and enter. You can enter 5 times to win 3 OS Marvels.

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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Quaking - book review

by Kathryn Erskine

     "Don't call her Matilda. Her name is Matt. And don't even think about getting close to her. She doesn't need anyone. Can't you tell by looking at her, dressed all in Gothic black, with a spider painted on her face and that ice-cold stare? But most of all, do not bully her. She has been through it all already.
     But soon everything changes for fourteen-year-old Matt when she moves inw ith a peaceful Quaker family in Pennsylvania. As the country fights a war in the Middle East, Matt fights her own personal war much closer to home. She is fighting bullies - of her past and present - and fighting for her right to stand up for her belief in peace. She's also fighting for her very self as she begins to let down her guard and care about the family that has opened their arms to her.
     As violence erupts in town and peace-promoting churches and temples are attacked, Matt will need to fight even harder to save the family she is beginning to love. But how can she win this battle when her fears always leave her quaking?"

     When my sister brought me this book to read, I wasn't sure I'd like it but I gave it a chance because she wanted me to read it plus the author is from the town I live in. The book wasn't my all time favorite but I liked it. I could relate to the main character, Matt, about how she felt about bullies. I remember how horrible bus rides with a bully could be. My favorite parts of books is the end - especially if I can't predict it. This book's ending was semi predictable but all in all it was still a good book. Definitely a book I'd pass on to a teen to read.

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Monday, April 25, 2011

Oh.. there is hope!

     When I went to the doctors the other day I explained how much pain I was in and the (what I like to call) pre-doctor (the resident who is working under the doctor - it's a teaching hospital) comes in and says 'maybe we'll just give the IUD a few more months to see how it works. If we go ahead and give you medicine now then we won't know whether it was the medicine or the IUD that helped." my response was "Does it matter? As long as I don't have pain. And no I don't want to wait. I'm done waiting. I'm in pain NOW and not just a little." He said okay let me go get the Dr. The Dr comes in and says alright.. I hear you aren't waiting. Nope. So he started me back on Gabapentin. I can't remember how long it took to kick in but I know it helped a little last time I was on it. I'm taking it three times a day. *sigh* I hate pills. Anyway, then I said "Okay... say I still have pain when I come back. What then? Will we consider surgery?" After asking when my last surgery was (Oct 2008) he said yes.. if in say August, I'm still in this amount of pain we will consider surgery. There is hope!!! I really think if we do surgery then start me on this pill regiment along with the IUD things will be good. That is all for now. I am pleased!

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Thursday, April 21, 2011

ER visits

     Saturday afternoon after going to a local consignment shop to see some ladies, I went to Lowes to make a copy of a key to the consignment shop because I was going to start work there a few days later. I had trouble walking from the car to the store, through the store, then back to the car. Once I got back to the store I had to park the car and walk inside obviously. I wiped my tears that were already forming in my eyes away and went inside. I did not want to cry at these friends. I like to go every Saturday and pretend I have no pain. I like to pretend this this disease doesn't affect my everyday life. Which, in all reality, is ridiculous. I know that every week is not going to be a good week, I know that eventually this was going to happen and if not one of them was bound to run in to me at a store where I'm being wheeled around in a wheel chair because it hurts too much to walk. But it's hard. When someone first learns about me having Endometriosis they feel bad for me. The first time someone sees me break down and sob because I can't walk, sit, stand, do anything they want justice. And it breaks my heart every time I have to tell them there isn't a cure and most likely won't be one any time soon. Hurts worse to lie to them and say 'maybe' to their 'it'll get better's. I just wanted to be happy carefree Nicole. I just wanted to be Mommy Nicole. I just wanted to be friend Nicole. I didn't want to be Endo Nicole. I tried my best to keep it separate. I work hard on my fake smile - which may seem silly to most but I understand how hard it is to constantly see someone in pain, upset, crying, sad. Anyway, so I walked in and one of my friends said I was procrastinating going to school and I cried. I was in too much pain to walk to the door of the shop which was on flat ground. At the school I had to park, walk through the parking lot, up the ramp, in to the building, down the hallway and into the testing center. Then I'd have to sit there take the test, walk back, drive home. I knew it wouldn't be possible. I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. And damnit it is frustrating not being able to do things I need to do. I should be able to walk up a ramp! I should be able to sit for long periods of time! I shouldn't worry about these things! I didn't mean to cry, I didn't want to cry but sometimes when I'm holding in the screams from how much it hurts the tears escape. They of course surrounded me, hugged me, told me they were there for me. They are the most amazing people. I am truly blessed by all the love and support my friends and family show me. I know I am blessed and I am so thankful. I don't have enough words for how thankful I am.
     After I left there I went to my college. I wanted to try. I knew I shouldn't be driving while I was in that much pain but I had to try. I finally found a parking spot. Getting out of the car was hard. When the pain is severe it is hard to lift my self up out of a seat, so by the time I was out of the car I was already crying. I made it to the ramp and felt light headed from the pain. So stupid. I shouldn't have tried but I had to. I had to at least try. I made my way back to the car and back home.
     I went home - got things ready for my mom to take care of my daughter while me and Tyrone went to the ER. In the ER they were worried that the cyst I had previously had on my ovary had twisted my ovary. I had an ultrasound to see and they said the cyst was gone. So that wasn't the cause. They did a pelvic exam - nothing wrong there. Then they decided to do another ultrasound on my kidneys. They didn't see any stones. After 6 hours of being there they finally decided to check to see if it was my appendix. However, this would be another 6 hours. 4 hours to take dye and have it cycle through my body then two hours to do the CT Scan and get the results. I asked if it was possible to schedule a CT Scan with my regular doctor so I could go home now, unless they thought it was risking my life going home. He told me he wasn't even convinced it was my appendix but was just trying to rule it out. He told me to go ahead home and if I had pain that got worse, nausea, vomiting, so and and so forth to go back in.  So I went home.
     Sunday night I ended up back in the ER. I was having all of those symptoms plus some. I went in and told them what had happened last night 'they wanted me to come back if this, this, and this happened and get a CT Scan with dye to see my appendix' blah blah blah 'So how is this different from the pain you usually have' ' Is this the pain you usually have' 'do you think this is endo' Sometimes going to the ER just makes me feel like a drug addict "AHHH I see here you are taking PERCOCET!" "yes I have a prescription" "WELL we will NOT be giving you more... or WELL.. hmmm.. we'll only give you 10 because we don't want you to become addicted" Yes because 10 will make me addicted. BTW 10 pills can sometimes last me a whole month. fyi drug addicts eat pills like candy. 10 wouldn't last them a day. Anyway, so they decided to do a CT Scan.. to check for kidney stones. What?! they out ruled kidney stones the night before. I told them this and they didn't care. I got a CT Scan and ta-da no kidney stones. They can sort of see my appendix and it looked normal. How frustrating, I was told you can't REALLY see the appendix in a CT Scan without dye. Anyway, it doesn't matter - they sent me home.
     Tuesday I had a doctors appointment to talk about the pain - that I'm still having. There were some swollen lymph nodes so maybe I had an infection but it should get better soon. Possibly I have gall stones in the ducts that lead to the gall bladder that no longer is there (because it was removed in 2002) or maybe it's my appendix and it's not showing. I pretty much got 'go home and see what happens. Come back in two weeks"
     Right now I'm in a lot of pain. My abdomen burns, it feels like its full like a balloon, I keep looking down to make sure someone isn't actually stabbing me, plus there is a dull ache that is always there. The ache is a 5, the burning is a 6, the bloating is a 6, the stabbing is an 8. And that is just my regular Endo pain - to top it off I have pain in my side that is sharp and dull as well. Want to hear something funny? The doctor walked in the room on tuesday and said so I hear you are having pain on your right side. Why? WHY?! I laughed and said I'm not sure isn't that your job to find out? Silly man.
     Tomorrow I have an appointment with my Endo doctor. I'm just going in to tell him how much pain I am still in. I think he'll probably either say "give the IUD some more time to work" or "let's try gabapentin (i think thats the name) again. Personally I'd like to have surgery then start all this to prevent it from growing. Think I can talk him in to it? My guess is no. We will see what happens. I'll update soon.

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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

God Gave Us Two - Book Review

God Gave Us Two
by Lisa Tawn Bergren 
Art by Laura J. Bryant 

As the eldest child in my family I know how delicate the subject of bringing a new baby in to the home can be. I have always worried how I would, one day, explain to my child that we were going to have another baby. I know the fear and anxiety a new baby can cause with children. I think this book tackles those issues wonderfully. This hardback book is wonderfully illustrated by Laura J. Bryant. The book takes you through the little cub's worries and fears of not being the only child anymore but in the end the little cub realizes that his parents will still love him no matter how many cubs they bring in to the family. I know now that when we decide to have another child I will have a great book to help get my daughter through any worries she may have over becoming a big sister.

*I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.*

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Friday, April 8, 2011


I've decided to do a few challenges. 1 being to walk 100 miles in 2011 (good luck to me!). The next two have to do with books 1 is to read 50 books in 2011 and the 2nd is to listen to 12 books in 2011. Here the button to the second challenge.

Bewitched Bookworms

If you want to join in head on over there and sign up!! It sounds like so much fun.. of course only if you are a book nerd like me!

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Tricks - book review

2011 Reading Challenge

2011 Reading Challenge

Nicole has

read 3 books toward her goal of 50 books.


by Ellen Hopkins
Cover summary: Five teenagers from different parts of the country. Three girls. Two guys. Four straight. One gay. Some rich. Some poor. Some from great families. Some with no one at all. All living their lives as best they can, but all searching...for freedom, safety, community, family, love. What they don't expect, though, is all that can happenwhen those powerful little words "I love you" are said for all the wrong reasons.

Five moving stories remain separate at first, then interweave to tell a larger, powerful story - a story about making choices, taking leaps of faith, falling down, and growing up. A story about kids figuring out what sex and love are all about, at all costs, while asking themselves, "Can I ever feel okay about myself?"

I am a huge Ellen Hopkins fan. I love the way she writes in poetry form, how she ties so many stories together, and her amazing knowledge of what is going on in a teen's head. One particular poem "A Poem by Seth Parnell. What I Need.." on page 343 really touched home.

"....To someone standing on the outside perimeters of my life, I might look one hundred percent the same. But if they had the ability to split me open, look deep inside, they would know the mask that appears to be my face is painted over the real me, smoke and mirrors, an illusion."

Although I love Ellen Hopkins this was not my favorite book of hers. The reason being all the sex that was in it. I know, I know. It's called Tricks, Nicole.. what do you THINK it's going to be about? Just like said "Tricks is a book that turns you on and repels you at the same time. Just like so much of life." it is quite true.

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Thursday, April 7, 2011

Relax and Make Friends Blog Hop

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PETA - this is not okay!

I am really upset right now. I just found out that PETA is doing a 'win a vasectomy' for National Infertility Awareness week. Their website says "It's a two-fer: Get your animal companion fixed, and get yourself fixed too! Human overpopulation is crowding out animal life on the planet, and dog and cat overpopulation is creating a euthanasia crisis that is a crying shame." Are you serious? Serious?! Infertility is NOT a laughing matter. This is not okay. There are men and women who struggle for years and years with infertility and sometimes never succeed in having a baby. I don't think they realize how truly heartbreaking infertility could be!

There has been a petition started  by Keiko that demands an apology and the removal of a link between PETA and National Infertility Awareness Week. Please take a minute to sign it.

For more information, please visit Keiko's blog Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed.  She is tracking every blog posting letters to PETA, along with updates about the communication between her and PETA.

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Saturday, April 2, 2011

An amazing day

     Today has been an amazing day. I woke up, woke Haleigh up and headed to Sugar Snap. I love these ladies. They are amazing. I look forward to our meetings every week. While I was there Vjay mentioned that she was looking for more people to work there. I of course offered myself willingly as long as Haleigh could come along. Haleigh can come (woohoo) and I am now going to be working there Tuesdays and Thursdays. You have no idea how much this excites me. Outrageous amounts! This means I can work, I'm out of the house, and I don't have to leave Haleigh with a baby sitter. I am super happy!
     After I left Sugar Snap, I headed to the dollar store then to the park to go to my best friend's babies' birthday party. Kota who is turning 5, Xavier who is now 4, Jaemi who is now 3, and Madi who will be 2. I stood and walked around the whole time. Which was stupid - I just wasn't thinking. Sometimes I have so much energy I don't remember to think of how things I do will affect me later.
     When the party was over we came home and I started making chicken quesadillas. Which btw turned out amazing because I'm pretty damn good at making them if I do say so myself. Anyway, now after all the fun I had I'm laying in bed in pain. I'm suppose to be getting up for church in the morning and right now it's hard to lift my head to look at the screen. This is what I hate about my good days. I forget to pace myself. I get so excited that my pain is at a minimal that I forget to remember to slow down. To not do too much. One day I'll learn, maybe. So, instead of doing the homework I need to be doing (since I can't concentrate on it anyway due to pain medication) I am off to bed. I pray I can accomplish all I need to do tomorrow - along with have some fun with my family. Until next time.

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Friday, April 1, 2011

8AM and content

     Normally I am not up this early (8am). How is that possible with a 11 week old, you ask. I have a wonderful boyfriend, that's how. Our routine goes as follows: Haleigh gets up at 7-7:30ish and Tyrone, who is already up for work, feeds her, changes her, loves on her, swaddles her and delivers her back to bed. She sleeps in her boppy in the bed next to me (save your criticism, I'm the mama and this is how we do it) until 10-11ish when she wakes up.I feed her, change her, swaddle her, lay her back down. Then we get up again around 12-1ish. This is when the lights go on, pjs come off - new clothes go on and we start our day together. I know this schedule won't last forever but for right now it's wonderful! It works best for me since my pain is worse until about 12 in the afternoon when it magically dwindles down to the low end of the totem pole. Since we are up late at night (12-2am) and that's when she goes to sleep this all works out great. A big 'ol HAHA to those who said I couldn't keep my sleeping schedule once the baby came. You were wrong. While I'm at it I'll throw in a double HAHA to those who said I'd be up all night long with her. She sleeps from 1:30-2ish until 7-7:30ish. (I don't want to hear later - "just wait" and "I meant when she was .... this age" because what you said was 'when the baby comes' she's here - tada!)
     As I sit here writing this she is slowly going back to sleep. This morning I feel so content. When Tyrone came in to say goodbye and give kisses before he left for work I looked at him who was dressed in his nice shirt and tie looking down at Haleigh and smiling and I thought, this is it. This is the life I always wanted. Kisses and hugs from the boyfriend before he heads to work, smiles from my baby before she falls asleep, and a good Jodi Picoult book I shouldn't be reading (but seriously, who does school work at 8am? NOT me!). Life is good. Now if only I could find a job reviewing books. If you have any idea how to do this please let me know. As I told Tyrone "I know that I'm a month or so away from graduation, but I want to quit and read for a living." One can wish...

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