Friday, May 27, 2011


     It's been one of those.. weeks. You know the kind, where nothing goes the way you want it to? Where you are walking around in circles trying to figure out what you were just doing and what you were about to do next. Two days ago my doctor calls me and says maybe you have kidney stones. I'm going to call in a prescription of antibiotics for you along with your thyroid medication which I've upped. Okay. I gave her the pharmacy she said okay. Great. Personally, I think she has lost her mind. Anyway, that's a whole nother entry. So, I go on about my day, thinking of all the things I need to get done before I go away for the weekend. Laundry, diaper laundry, folding up play pen, toys, so on and so forth. I made a list and fully planned on marking everything off of it that night.
     WHO was I kidding? I could never do all of that in one night! Around 3pm my pain kicked in. I was done. I laid down in the bed and thought just a little rest and my body will recharge. yeah right! Once I laid down I could feel my pain more. One of these days I'll understand my body and know what to do. Maybe. So Wednesday night I accomplished a few loads of laundry. That's it. Thursday I came in to work at 9 and I don't know why but I just knew it wasn't going to be a bad day. This is where my grandmother would say "it's only a bad day if you let it be, Nicole" I know grandma. I tried to make it a good day but it just wasn't happening for me. I was suppose to work from 9-2 then go to my friend's house and watch her kids from 230ish -6. I ended up being at work until 4. I brought my friend and the kids some pizza, picked up grama and went home. I then made lots and lots of lists. DAMNIT we were getting it done tonight. There was no more time left! So I washed the diapers, I put clothes in piles, this goes with, this stays here. I could care less about the mess as long as we had what we need packed.
So I accomplished (with help from my love of course) packing Haleigh's bag and most of her diapers. I need a few more things for her diaper bag then that will be ready to go. Tyrone packed our bag minus swim suit and my dresses. CRAP I just realized minus his nice clothes for Sat night/Sunday too. *sigh* Well the play pen is packed up. However, my medicine was not waiting for me at the pharmacy like
the doctor said it would be. Last time I tried to contact her it took me two/three days. This did not make me happy last night. It also didn't make me happy that I was in so much pain that I could barely move. If I have to have chronic pain couldn't it at least come at more convenient times for me? It only seems fair. So yesterday seemed like a big fail to me. Today I planned on being much better! I got up ready to take on the day. We're probably about 60-70% packed. All I have to do today is go to work from 9-2, go pick up the rental car, finish packing Haleigh's diapers, our bags, our food for the trip, make sure we have all the money we need, pack up our bathroom stuff, cameras, and chargers. I had to call the doctor and have her call in my prescription again (she called back and said she's faxed it in twice this time she's calling it in) AND pick it up, print out directions, and drive to GA. Not a big deal
at all *insert internal screaming and ripping of hair here* I can do this. I just have to sing "I can do this, I can do this, I can, I can" (also a grandma saying). With this brand new state of mind I got in the car ready to go and Haleigh threw up like the exorcist all over herself, her car seat, and the car. Awesome.
     I don't think I even mentioned what we are doing this weekend. We are going to Tyrone's family reunion. This is the first time I've been to one of his family reunions. I've meet a lot of his family at his football game and graduation. I love his family. I can't wait for them to meet Haleigh. I'm so excited for Haleigh to meet her grampy! On the other hand I'm super anxious about meeting his family members I haven't met. How can I be such a social person but have social anxiety? I have no idea. I should probably be more worried about a 9 hour drive with a 4 month old. Silly things like that don't get to me though. Even if it took us 15 hours (Tyrone if you are reading this.. it won't! Don't stress.. I'm just saying) I'd be fine. I'm a car ride kind of girl. If it's within 12 hours I say lets do it! I'll be blogging soon about our first road trip. What I'm packing diaper wise (with pictures - because who doesn't want pictures of fluff?) and how it goes in the end. I'm hoping to post some pictures and videos as well. I won't be able to do this until we get home though. Also next week (hopefully) be looking for some reviews.
     Well... wish me the best of luck!

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Monday, May 23, 2011

Love Sick - book review

Love Sick
by Jake Coburn

     "Ted's drunk-driving accident has ruined his life. It cost him his basketball scholarship, ended his plans for college, and forced him into AA. But just when Ted has resigned himself to his new life, Michael appears. The wealthy father of a bulimic Manhattan rich girl has a tempting proposition. He has agreed to pay for Ted's college tuition. Quite a generous offer, but there's one catch: Ted has to secretly keep tags on his benefactor's daughter, Erica. A seemingly simple task, with only one minor problem: Ted never expected to fall in love."

     This YA book at 228 pages seemed like a quick read. Coburn's writing flows very well and doesn't leave you with any dull moments that you might be tempted to skip over. You go in to this book knowing of COURSE the kid is going to fall for the girl and of course something is going to go wrong. However, you don't expect what happens next. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and would definitely recommended it to a friend. 

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Monday, May 9, 2011


I feel done. Like I've got nothing left. I am just not happy and I'm not sure how to be happy. I don't know why I am not happy. I have a perfect little girl (who actually is screaming her head off right now) who makes me smile and laugh. I'm not upset with her at all. I don't know what my deal is. I just know something isn't right. Before anyone suggests it I do NOT want to take depression medication. I just don't. I want to be happy on my own. The arguments for it is pretty much tough - you need to be in a good state of mind for your daughter. My argument is: I'm not in a bad state of mind for my daughter. I love my daughter its the loving myself I have a problem with. I have an idea of what I want to do but still not sure if it's something I am able to do. I just feel lost right now.

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Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mothers Day to Me!

Mothers Day. I never thought I'd be able to celebrate it so early in my life. I've always thought it would take so long for me to become a mother, if at all. Last Mothers Day we were in NY at my cousins' confirmation. A week earlier I had taken a pregnancy test and gotten a negative. My doctor had said to wait one more week to take another then to take the medicine I had to start my period. I had gone Friday to pick up that prescription along with the clomid I would have to take. I wasn't feeling good all weekend but just attributed it to pain from riding in the car from my house to my cousins'. The night we came home I remember saying to Tyrone "I'm going to wake up in the morning take the pregnancy test then start the medication." At 5am I woke up went to the bathroom, took the test, and to my surprise I got a positive! A positive!! I was ecstatic! Tyrone told me not to call my mom (which I told him I wanted to do) because we should take another test to be positive. I called my doctor to get bloodwork taken. I went in to have the bloodwork done and planned on just waiting a few hours to get the results. I pulled in my driveway but then said .. yeah right who am I kidding?! I drove back to Kroger and got another pregnancy test. At this point I had convinced myself that it was a mistake and not to get my hopes up. Unfortunately this is what happens to women with infertility problems. We don't believe the good things. The test - sure enough - was a positive! A POSITIVE! Confirmed by the doctor a few hours later. And although I would have embraced the fact of having multiples thank goodness we were only having one.

Skip forward to today - A year minus a day later and I'm a mommy. A mommy on my first mother's day. I had a wonderful day with my mother, grandmother, sister, boyfriend, and of course - my gorgeous little girl. Tyrone got me a gorgeous frame that says Mom and has butterflies. It is engraved "Happy First Mothers Day love Haleigh and Tyrone" It is gorgeous. I love him so much. He is great. Then the best gift I could have gotten? Haleigh rolled over for the first time ever! Then the second time ever.. then the third. She's a pro!

I am so proud! Today has been a wonderful First Mothers Day! 

Thank You God for giving me this opportunity!!

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Monday, May 2, 2011

Kings Dominion - wheelchair edition

     Sunday I went to Kings Dominion with Tyrone, Angela (sister), and Alex (sister's boyfriend - hereby known as Uncle Chewy to Haleigh) because Tyrone's work was having a company picnic. Not just his branch but all branches. Last year when we went I had just found out I was pregnant so I couldn't ride any of the rides. It did not make for a good time watching everyone get on my favorite rides. This year I was super excited but I knew I had to choose, ride rides or walk and not ride. I decided to rent a wheelchair so I could attempt to enjoy my time as long as possible without having pain. When you first rent a wheelchair they send you to customer services to get a ticket that allows you and one other person to go up the exit of the ride and wait there until it is your turn to ride. If the wait is going to be a while then they'll give you a time to come back. Such a hassle. I felt horrible because then we didn't get to stand in the line with Ang and Alex or if Ang was going on with us but Alex wasn't then she'd have to wait in line by her self. Everyone said they didn't mind but it bothered me. I tried to ignore my insecurities about being in a wheelchair and just enjoy my time. It wasn't hard to do for the first half of the trip. I'd go up the exit say that I had people in line and when it was there turn we'd like to ride with them. Then we'd ride. Not a problem. Then it started to get harder. The attendants would see us coming and ignore us forcing me to go all the way up to them and be told to back up and wait. I was waiting out of sight of the people waiting in line so when I'd come out of nowhere to get on the other riders would be upset we were 'cutting line' despite the fact that we waited. Sometimes when we'd say "We'd like to ride again so is it okay if we just go back over there sit down and when our family gets through the line again we'll go on with them?' they'd say THEY HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY BACK AROUND AND WAIT IN LINE! Yes.. obviously. I just said that. By the end of the day I was frustrated people were ignoring us and then making us feel like we shouldn't be there. Maybe the attendants were just cranky because they had been there all day but if you don't like the system.. you work there...say something about it. Stop complaining and help make a change - it is not my fault. Don't treat me badly. So half the time was okay and half the time it wasn't. If I was giving a review to a handicapped person I'd tell them to go first thing in the morning and leave half way through the day.
     Anyway, I had a good day. I enjoyed the rides. I'm definitely a fan of roller coasters. Especially ones that take your breathe away. I went on most of the rides two sometimes four times. My favorite are the wooden roller coasters where you can throw your hands up in the air. I know you can do that with some of the newer roller coasters but it doesn't seem to be as fun. Pain wise, I was beyond a ten when I got home. About a 9 when I woke up and a 9 tonight. It eased up a little during the day but not much lower then a 7. I imagine I'll be in pain for a few days, it was expected and well worth it. I had a great day with my family!

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